At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
