she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
