Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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