i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
