smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
