they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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