I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
