my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
