i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
