We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
