Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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