drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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