And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone came in the potted fern
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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