Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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