The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
