don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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