it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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