we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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