I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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