i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
