sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
