It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
