I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
