can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
