brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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