so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
