then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
