Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
