I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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