So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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