I showed him my bush... on skype.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The uberlube is also flammable
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So vagazzling was a success
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
