before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
