So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
