Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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