just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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