I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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