i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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