After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
