I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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