I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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