Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
