is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my poor anus
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
