On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
