we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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