Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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