im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
