no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
