she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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