I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
