question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
