i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
