Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
