end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
