all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
