Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
