Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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