i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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