the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He better not be in your backpack
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
