is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
