if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
