Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
