I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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