there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
