Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
where are you?
Hypothermia
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
