That's intense
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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