I heard we made out
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
