I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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